Blog

Hey guys,

Sorry! I’ve been away. Kirsty, I hope someone talked you down… once you’ve cut a canvas bag, you can never turn back. It’s a slippery fucking slope that one, mark my words.

The password-protected post that was here was just a wee Chrissy video-message I made for my and Sarah’s fams in Australia. In the end I buggered it up and it was on public view on youtube anyway, Which was a bit embarrassing because it was quite personal. But that’s ok… not like I was nude or anything. Hohoho.

Hope everyone had a fun one. We went up to see some friends in Claughton in Lancashire. There was turkey and stuffing: the latter being the verb to describe how we consumed the former.

Loving having my very own human. She’s pretty cool – yesterday we drove home in horrendous traffic and it took 8 hours and the wee’n slept about 7 of them. Sweet. With newborns, when it comes to time-spent-conscious, less is most definitely more.

I got: some cds, some books, some socks, some jocks, some jams, some soap, and a special bag thingy to hang on the handle-bars of my bike so that I can ride around London carrying my cds, books, socks, jocks, jams and soap like some kind of affluent, health-conscious homeless person.

So. UK tour starts in a month. Exciting. I have a few corporate type gigs between now and then and an Australia Day thingy.

Oh, and don’t forget to listen to BBC Radio 2 at 6pm on New Year’s Day… for that is when my radio special, “Tim Minchin and Friends” is to be aired. Friends include Reggie Watts, Lucie Silvas and Jeremy Lion. Check out details on the BBC Radio 2 worldwide internet website. (There’s even recordings of a couple of tunes that didn’t make the edit available to listen to right goddam now.)

I’ll remind you of that little puppy again.

Ok. Merry Christmas, Chappy Chanukah, whatever. Peace and goodwill towards men.

And ladies. Of course.

The lovely, lovely ladies.

t.
x

Hey guys.

I really just wanted to let you know that another Duchess Theatre show has gone on sale. Sunday 3rd December 7:30pm.

But I know I need to write interesting blogs, otherwise you’ll all stop reading them.

So to make your visit here today more worthwhile, I’ve uploaded a song that pretty much no-one in the world has ever heard. I recorded it in my bedroom with my Melbourne band, “Rosencrantz”. It’s really silly but pretty sexually inspiring, I think. It’s entitled “Shag With The Stereo On” and it’s about shagging. With the stereo on. You can find it on my downloads page.

Anyhoo. Tickets are now available for Sunday 3rd December at:

The Duchess Theatre
Catherine Street
London WC2B 5LA

Bookings on 0870 890 1103 or online at See Tickets.

Hi guys.

I’ve had a lot of interest in the song I wrote for Spicks and Specks (TV show in Australia). You can see it in all its homoerotic glory by clicking HERE.

You Northern hemisphere types who haven’t heard of the show or its host, Adam Hills, will be confused. (All you need to know is that Hillsong is the name of one of those huge, wealthy, obscene, exploitative church groups near Sydney, and that Adam is a charming, funny, good-looking Australian comedian… with one of his feet missing.)

Adam Hillsong (Not endorsed by the Hillsong Church pty ltd)

At night I dream of your quirky, intelligent face
I wistfully wish for your monopedal embrace.

But I am just a fan
You are the father of humanity
But if you’ll be my man
I would give a rib to be your Eve

Adam…
Hills are made for climbing and I’ll climb them all for you
And dem
Valleys you traverse I’m not averse to going down into

Wherever in your Eden you might travel I will follow.
And if a serpent holds an apple and entices me to swallow
I will not be tempted by the fruit the serpent proffers
Though I’ve never been that great at resisting offers made by

Adam…
Hills are made for climbing and oh boy I’ll do my best
But if the apple is too sweet and shiny to resist
I swear that I’ll try not to choke as with my guilt I grapple
But if inside my throat I feel a lump, it’ll be my Adam’s Apple.

Hi. As some have already pointed out (thanking you kindly) the album of “So Rock” is available at Middle Eight Music. It’s an Australian-based company, so if you live elsewhere and don’t want to import it (or Dark Side – which is also available from Middle Eight), I’ve got a UK company starting to distribute them soon. I think.

My Australian tour dates are a bit firmer now. It’s looking like:

Wollongong – 17th March.

Adelaide – 19th – 31st March

Brisbane – 9th – 15th April

Melbourne – 17th – 29th April

Sydney – 1st – 13th May

Perth – 21st May

More info as it comes to hand.

orright.

Hi y’all.

Just wanted to let you know about some gigs and stuff.

I’m appearing with the excellent Rhod Gilbert at the Comedy Store in Manchester on the 25 Oct. Which is really soon. Check it out.

Then I’m playing at the Duchess Theatre on the West End (wahoo) on the 12th November. Should be fun. Tickets here.

Then I have a baby. Which should keep me busy for a week or two.

My UK tour runs from late Jan to early March next year. All the exciting details can be found on my gigs page.

I’m sorry I’ve STILL not got any downloads up. For some reason it’s not letting me upload anything, and I need to figure it out. (I’ve just been on the road for ages, so everything’s been on hold a bit til now.)

Also, So Rock IS going to be available online… very soon. Am just waiting on people in Aus. I’ll let yez know. Maybe a week away.

Finally, check out my Myspace page if you’re into that sort of thing. And if you want to join my small but dedicated band of stalkers, you could go here. Nuts. Nice nuts.

Hope everyone is managing to maintain a consistent position between coping and ecstatic.

t.x

Hello indeed.
Just want to say a heartfelt and slightly teary thanks to everyone who saw my show in Edinburgh. It was – yet again – a pretty insane month, made bearable by the people who came to see the show and had fun. God bless the socks of you. I think I went pretty well, despite feeling a bit of “second-album” pressure. Reviewers were mostly kind, audiences laughed and clapped. Can’t really ask for a great deal more than that.
Now I live in London. Yesterday I went up to Alexandra Palace and had beer with friends and looked out over the city and felt rather happy with the whole thing.
Today I have to go to a business lunch. Nothing ever actually gets done, but generally someone with lots of money pays for it. It’s really just the comedy industry equivalent of dogs sniffing each other’s bums. Fine by me. This is why I moved to London. This is what I sacrificed the Australian summer for. Dogs. Bums. Sniffing.
Oh, I have a “myspace” page. All the cool kids are doing it. And quite a lot of the uncool ones. Click HERE to check it out. It’s really just the internet equivalent of dogs sniffing each other’s bums. To thrash the simile.
The crocodile hunter is dead. Peter Brock is dead.
Since Sept 10th 2001, there have been about 45oo deaths caused by terrorism, and about 95,000 caused by the war-on-terror. I have lunch to eat. Keep it in perspective.
Listen to disco. Be well.
The audio CD of “So Rock – Live” will be available online soon, I promise.
tx

Hello.

I think the irregularity of my posts is kind of sexy. I now see myself as one of those enigmatic and aloof, hard to reach, olive-skinned kind of guys.

I am in Edinburgh again. Since I last wrote, I’ve done Dark Side in Brisbane and Sydney (that was fun and sunny), Amadeus in Perth (which was different and hard and good), and Dark Side in Montreal (where everyone talked funny and expected tips).

So, tonight I open “So Rock” at the Gilded Balloon, which is the show I did at Melbourne Comedy Fest, only it wasn’t called “So Rock” then, because I didn’t make up a title in time. I’m looking forward very much to doing the pissing in a hippo joke again. I’ve missed it.

People I’m looking forward to seeing at this festival:
– Tony Law (I think he’s excellent… and have heard his new show is really different and ace).
– Mark Watson (I’m reading his book at the moment. He’s smart and nice and funny and good).
– Rhod Gilbert (Caustic Welshman, very excellent).
– Charlie Pickering (Another stand-up who’s pushing the genre boundary. Nominated for best show in Melbourne).
– Geraldine Quinn (Aussie musical satirist. Think Janis Joplin with gender issues and a history degree).
– Claire Hooper (Another good aussie Sheila doing a late night spot. I haven’t seen this show, but she’s brill and it aint just stand-up).
– Danny Bhoy (Doesn’t need the plug but he’s nice and good and is doing all new stuff).
– Boothby Graffoe (Love him).

I could go on for ever. All the Aussies are ace. Wil Anderson doing his first Edinburgh in 7 years. Adam Hills as always. Loads of great first timers. Go to everything at the Gilded Balloon!

Oh – and I’m hosting Laughapoolooza on Saturday nights (from next week) at the Assembly Rooms.

If you see any good shows, post a comment and let us all know. (Or if you’re one of my friends and are angry at me for not plugging your show, send me a scathing email).

xx

I’m doing two performances of my new show, “So Rock” in Perth on June 10th and 11th at 8pm.
Only 400 seats on sale all together. Cool and exclusive huh?
For details and tickets and all that, go to the Bocs Ticketing website, or phone 08 6488 2440.
The show is being recorded for a new CD. Fun.
t.

I reckon I’ve never been as anxious as I was a week ago today… and now I feel all relaxed like a truck driver who’s been slipped a rohypnol at a roadhouse by an amorous chico-roll maker name of Betsy.

Shows at the HiFi are selling out mostly. Which is grand. New material is going nicely… it’s quite dark in bits, which came as a bit of a surprise.

I’ve had a few reviews, all of which have been more than kind. Not that I care about reviews of course. Much. Check them out if you like by clicking HERE

Cheerypip.
tx

Hi. Like my new, snazzy website? It’s pretty new and snazzy. Probably the most significant change, other than the aesthetic features, is the development of an “MP3s and Downloads” page. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out how to upload shit yet, but when I do… well fuck me if you won’t be able to download the very same shit.

It appears that – with 5 days to go until Comedy Festival – I have managed to gather enough amusing material to fill an hour. Which is a nice relief. Whether anyone other than I will be amused by it is yet to be seen. Feeling pretty pumped though. And I’ve got a name for the show too. Obviously all the posters and stuff just say Tim Minchin, but between you guys and me, it’s called “So Rock”. OK. Sorted.

In other reasonably exciting news, I’m closing the Comedy Festival Gala next week. I’m sure those of you who have seen a bit of my stuff will be able to guess what song I’m closing with. Hint: there’s going to be a choir. And a trumpet player. And some pyrotechnics. So fucking rock. It’ll be on tele some time the week after next.

Some of the subject matter to be addressed in my new show includes:
– People who feed their kids crap food and make them fat.
– The possibility of the existence of genuine psychics.
– The viability of training a flock of birds to poo written messages.
– The infallible brilliance of the theory of Intelligent Design.
– Environmentally friendly shopping bags. Sorry, can’t help it.

So. I should go practice stuff. Come along to my new show if you’re in Melbourne. If you’re not in Melbourne, do something else fun. As often as possible.

A wee update from sunny London.

My album, DARK SIDE LIVE, recorded at the Spiegeltent in Melbourne just before Chrissy is now available online.

Just pop along to Middle Eight Music, and they’ll kindly send it to you wherever you are on this moist planet.

How exciting.

In other news, here’s the only review I’ve got (so far) for my London season of Dark Side, which finishes next Saturday. It’s from the Metro, and is quite charming.

Back in Australia in a couple of weeks, and will be locking myself to my piano to try and get some new bits ready for Melbourne Comedy Festival. Which’ll be a fucking hoot, I’m sure.

Right ho,
t.

Howdy.

The DarkSide Live album has been finished and packaged. Hopefully before too long we will have it available to buy online and even on itunes.

For now, however, it’s only going to be available at gigs. So if you’re in London and you’re coming to see DarkSide at the Soho Theatre, you can buy it. Which is damn good news for everyone concerned.

For those interested in a DVD… thanks for being interested. We’re going to have to wait a bit longer for that because the production of it is no longer in my hands. When it does come, however, it is going to be real fancy with a menu and nice colours and everything.

Trust you’re all robust.
t.

Hi.

A few weeks ago the was a show on the ABC here in Oz called “My Favourite Movie”. I performed a one minute musical retelling of the movie “Donnie Darko”, and a few people have requested lyrics. Well… two people actually. But that’ll do.

The DONNIE DARKO Song
So there’s this kid called Donnie Darko, he’s a schizophrenic teen,
And this aeroplane engine falls through his roof and lands where he’s just been,
But it’s cool cos he’s out sleepwalking – as is his habit
Engaged in apocalyptic discourse with this freaky six-foot rabbit.

You see our Donnie on reality doesn’t have a firm hold,
The rabbit teaches him about time travel and wormholes.
He burns down Patrick Swayze’s house cos the rabbit tells him to,
He shags a chick called Gretchen and the rabbit shows him what to do.
They throw a wicked Halloween party, with 80’s tunes and beer,
Then they hop on their bikes and ride through the night and that’s when things get weird.

The rabbit’s drunk behind the wheel, and Gretchen cops a car-full,
So Donnie takes out his gun and shoots the rabbit through the eyeball.
Then he carries his girlfriend’s body up the hill above his town
And watches as the parallel universe he’s been living in tumbles down.

Then using telekinesis he rips an engine off this plane
And is sucked back through the wormhole and he’s back at the beginning again,
So when the jet comes through the ceiling, he’s tucked up in his bed
And life is back to normal, except that Donnie Darko’s dead.

This film’s an examination of time and space and psychosis,
And a very good example of why they developed myxomatosis.

Hi.

Loads of people who saw Inflatable You on ITV’s Tickled Pink in the UK have requested that I post the lyrics on my website. So I’m doing it. See what a pliable young man I am?

(nb. While we’re at it, I’d like to point out that the inflatable person in this song is not called Felicity. The Felicity referred to in the 7th stanza is the improper noun, felicity, meaning happiness.)

(Thank fuck we sorted that out.)

Inflatable You

Your love for me is not debatable
Your sexual appetite’s insatiable
You never ever make me waitable
Delectable, inflatable you.

You don’t have problems with your weight at all
You never steal food off my plate at all
I never have to masturbate at all
Unstoppable, inflatable you.

You never seem to menstruate at all
So you’re not angry when I’m late at all
I feel permanently felatable
Unpoppable, inflatable you.

With you in my arms I feel we could just fly away
With the right kind of gas I might even try it some day
In this ocean of life I’m never afraid we might drown
We could just float forever whatever the weather
Whenever my inflatable lover’s around.

Your thighs and buttocks are so holdable
You always do what you are toldable
And if we argue you just foldable
Controllable consolable you.

My mates all reckon you are suitable
I took you ‘round to watch the footable
And Steve and Gary said you’re rootable
Commutable, refutable you.

You’re never sensitive or tickley
When I rub you my skin goes prickerly
It’s know an static electricity
Felicity when I’m kissing you.

Your skin is so smooth – I couldn’t afford you with hair
You have all the holes real girls have got plus one for the air
Your problems are simple, I don’t need my Masters in Psych
To know if you get down I just perk you right up
With a couple of squirts from the pump off my bike.

You never wake up when I snore at all
A trait which I find quite adorable
You have a box and you are storable
Ignorable, back-doorable you.

Any sexual position’s feasible
Although you don’t bend at the knees at all
Your hooters are so firm and squeezable
Increasable, un-creasable you.

You don’t complain about my hairy back
Or ‘bout the inches that downstairs I lack
You’re not disgusted by my furry crack
Burt Bacharach, Jack Kerouac ooo.

Now birth control is not an issue
I clean it all up with a tissue
I bet my jealous friend all wish you
Were insatiably inflatably theirs.

Don’t let me down.
Don’t let me down.
Don’t let me down.
And I won’t let you down.

Tim Minchin 2003.

Hi.

Unsurprisingly, my blog efforts have been completely crap. Sorry about that. Blogs are fucking boring anyway.

I’m sitting in Heathrow terminal 4. I’ve been here for an hour and I still have an hour to wait – a result of my compulsion to leave room-for-error. Admittedly, in this case I left so much room-for-error that I probably could have been the victim of an underground bombing incident, crawled to safety, gone to hospital, had some skin grafts, been fitted with an artificial leg, undergone a series of counselling sessions, found a new lease on life as a wheelchair basketballer and completed a phd in comparative religion and still have got to the airport in time to buy some duty free vodka and a sunglasses strap before boarding. Which is obviously absurd, cos I hate vodka.

A point-form analysis of what’s been going down:

– I went to Edinburgh,
– I did my show 25 times and lots of people came and saw it.
– I got some nice reviews.
– I won a prize which – it transpires – was a really good prize to win.
– I flew to London.
– I had lots of meetings and managed to secure a manager. (www.pbjmgt.co.uk)
– I performed “Inlatable You” and “Canvas Bags” at the Royal Albert Hall in front of 5000 people. It was really fun and made me feel really good about myself. If I’d had a couple of fish and a loaf of bread, I swear I could have fed the cunts.
– I did my show twice at the Soho theatre (in Soho, surprisingly) and it went really well.

Other good things include:
– I’m going back to London in October to do my Perrier Award show at the Lyric, which is a big, beautiful theatre on the West End. 23rd October for you Londoners.
– I’m going back to London again in February to do a proper season at the Soho Theatre.
– I filmed a couple of bits of stuff for various tele and radio things. So I’ll be getting some nice exposure in the UK in the next 12 months.
– I got invited to the Montreal Comedy Festival. Which is really good cos it’s a way in to the US market.
– There’s a couple of DVD-making companies who want to sign me up to make a DVD of my show some time in the future. So that won’t be soon but when it happens it’ll be proper.
– I think Sarah and I are going to move to the UK within the next 12 months. I don’t know if that is good or sad… but there’s no choice really, career-wise.

So. Not a very entertaining blog, but perhaps an informative one. It’s been a swell couple of months. I hope everyone else has had nice stuff too. Next stop for me, Tasmania. Launceston on the 30th and 1st, and Hobart on the 6th, 7th and 8th. Come and see the show you crazy Taswegian people. (For the geograpically challenged, Tasmania is the little island thingy on the bottom of Australia. It’s nice and they sell fish there.)

tx